Sharing is caring!

What Can You Do When a Teacher Doesn’t Like Your Child

What can you do when a teacher doesn’t like your child?  That’s the biggest question as we get into our second week of school.  How many of you have been faced with this dilemma?  My youngest is in 5th grade.  Up until now, she has never had a feeling of a teacher that doesn’t like her.  I kept making excuses by saying she may have just had a bad day or maybe she wasn’t feeling well.  She tells me everyday that the teacher still dislikes her.  It’s been two weeks now.  It breaks my heart.  She has never gotten in trouble and does all of her work. She is a good student.  She still has this feeling. We talk about it everyday. I can tell it really, really bothers her. She is in the 5th grade and this is the first time this has happened to her.
Think about that for a minute.  What would you do?

It takes everything in me not for Mama bear to come out and protect my child.  I really want to but I know she must learn how to handle these situations on her own.  Besides, I can almost guarantee you that she will have a boss in her future that won’t like her either.  This needs to be a learning experience with some guidance from me.

Here’s how I handled my situation:

After school she get’s in the back seat of the car from the pick up line and again she tells me that her teacher still doesn’t like her.  I’ve decided I’m not making any more excuses for the teacher.  I’ve just got to explain to my daughter that not all people will get along with each other but it’s important to show respect because she is the teacher.  Now, most people who know my daughter know that she is a foodie so this was my advice. I say look, you how different people like different kinds of ice cream? People’s personalities are like flavors of ice cream. Some like chocolate and others like strawberry. Both are still good though. Maybe you are chocolate and she really likes strawberry. I look in the rear view mirror and I said, “I really like chocolate.” She tilted her head down and tried not to show me her smile.  For the rest of the night I kept randomly saying I love chocolate ice cream.  Now I should note that my daughter does feel as though she is being treated fairly.  She just doesn’t think she likes her.  That’s a big difference.  First progress reports already came home and she does have a 100 in the class too.  I will be closely monitoring the situation as it continues.

Here are my suggestions for dealing with this situation:

1. Talk with your child everyday about their feelings
2. Discuss how you should be respectful to the teacher no matter what.
3. Talk about being fair.  Make sure your child is being treated fairly and make sure your child is being fair.
4. Try to explain to your child not every personality will go together.  We can try but we are all different.  I’m sure there are some that won’t like her personality just as she doesn’t like some either.
5. Set up a teacher parent conference to understand both sides of the situation.
6. Talk to the school counselor if necessary.
7. As a very last resort if all my other attempts didn’t resolve the situation I would certainly ask for my child to be switched to another classroom.

You always wonder if you are doing the right thing as a parent.  These suggestions have really helped me to get through some situations.  I’ve not yet had to transfer my daughter out of a classroom but I do know friends that have had to.

I’ve got another story for you.  My oldest daughter, who is now in college, had a horrible experience with a teacher in high school.  I mean horrible.  My oldest is an introvert and she very much avoids conflict a all cost.  High school is a tough already without having to deal teacher troubles.  Here’s what was happening.  She was in American Sign Language class, which she loves.  In this class you need to put forth lots of emotion to express your skills.  My daughter was just going through the movements of the class but not really expressing herself as she could have been.  This usually happens in the 2nd year of ASL and this was my daughters second year with the same teacher.  One day the teacher yelled at her in front of the whole class on told her to sit down because she wasn’t doing a good job.  She got really embarrassed.  She came home and told me all about it.  I advised her to talk to the teacher but in private.  She swore the teacher hated her.  A week went by and she still had not spoke to the teacher.  She just couldn’t muster up the courage.  This was in December.   My daughter brought all of her teachers cute little Bath & Body Works gift assortments as a holiday gift.  This particular teacher said to her “What?  Do I stink?  I don’t want a gift like this.  If you are going to give me a gift, give it with meaning.  I know you are a beautiful artists and I’ve seen your drawings.”  She preferred a meaningful gift not just a bag of scented soaps.  Let me tell you.  I don’t think I have ever been so angry at a teacher before in my life.  How ungrateful.  She shouldn’t have given her anything.  And honestly, that was the teacher’s point!  Wow.

After the holidays, I insisted my daughter face the problem head on.  No more avoiding this problem.  She needed to talk it out with her and I was going to make sure this happened.  Since my daughter wasn’t going to initiate this conversation I emailed the teacher and told her that Megan really needed to talk to her and to please make time after class.  It was important.  This would force my daughter to speak up.  Neither of them did it.  It wasn’t happening.  I ended up going to the school to pick her up the next day because she was sick and I ran into this teacher in the hallway before my daughter came back from the nurses office to check out.  I asked her if they spoke and she said no.  I told her that she felt as though she hated her because of the things she has said to her.  This teacher was in shock!  She couldn’t believe what I was saying.  The teacher told me that she adores my daughter.  She also admitted that she was rougher on her because she knew that she could give her more effort.  She knew she was only giving what she needed to to pass a grade.  She, being a great teacher, was not going to allow a talented student to just skim by.  The next class they finally spoke.  I’m not sure the words that were sat but I can tell you that since that day they have been the best of friends.  This teacher really did care about my daughter as if she were her own.  I only heard the horrible things from the other side.  My oldest has since graduated and she still keeps in touch with this teacher.  She fully understood what she was trying to do and this teacher made my daughter a better student because of it.

This was a big lesson for her on communication.  What appears to be may not always be the case.  You really need to open up and talk about what is happening.  You need to understand both sides of the story.

My experience with teachers has always been pretty darn good.  I’m lucky.  I’ve hear horror stories about some bad teachers out there.  I think it’s our jobs as parents to guide them through this very stressful process.